Wednesday, August 26, 2015

More Murphy's Laws

From my email...

 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
  4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
  5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
  7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  8. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
  9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Lunch With Jim

The story's not mine but the thoughts are apt. 

One day I had lunch with some old friends. Jim, a short, balding golfer type, about 85 years old, came along with them; all in all, it was a pleasant bunch.   

When the menus were presented, my friends and I ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Jim who said, "A large piece of home-made apple pie, heated please."   

I wasn't sure my ears heard him right, and the others were aghast, when Jim continued, completely unabashed.... "along with two large scoops of vanilla ice cream."   

We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time, but when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy eating mine.    I couldn't take my eyes off of Jim as I watched him savoring each bite of his pie a-la-mode. The other guys just grinned in disbelief as they silently ate their lunches.   

The next time I went out to eat, I called Jim and invited him to join me. I lunched on a white meat tuna sandwich, while he ordered a chocolate parfait. Since I was chuckling, he wanted to know if he amused me.   

I answered, "Yes, you certainly do, but you also confuse me. How come you always order such rich desserts, while I feel like I must be sensible in my food choices?"    

He laughed and said "I'm tasting all that is possible for me to taste. I try to eat the food I need and do the things I should in order to stay healthy, but life's too short, my friend. I hate missing out on something good. This year I realized how old I was. (He grinned) I've never been this old before, so, while I'm still here, I've decided it's time to try all those things that, for years, I've been ignoring."   

He continued, "I haven't smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many trout streams I haven't fished. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead.   

"There are too many golf courses I haven't played. I've not laughed at all the jokes. I've missed a lot of sporting events and potato chips and cokes.  

 "I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace.   

"I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the one I love the most.   

"I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel wind on my face. I want to be in love again.   

 "So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner, because   I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire. I had that final piece of pie before my life expired."   

With that, I called the waitress over.. "I've changed my mind," I said. "I want what he's having, only add some more whipped cream!"   

This is my gift to you - We need an annual Friends Day! If you get this twice, then you have more than one friend. Live well, love much, & laugh often - Be happy and enjoy doing whatever your heart desires.   

 Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we like, respect, and enjoy spending time with. Remember that while money talks, ICE CREAM SINGS! 

Sunday, August 16, 2015

How Our Society Became So Stupid

Watch Bill Whittle's video about the moon landing, education and more...